Band on the Run
With extra 15 people to rescue, Lobatse comes up with an explosive new plan! Cast * Sam Yao * Kefilwe Lobatse * Peter Lynne * Jim Plot Excited To Find Out While the orchestra argue amongst themselves, Lobatse loosely explains her plan to escape; you'll need a lorry, 15 zombies and some semtex... At Last! You place a noise-maker to attract the requisite number of zoms, while Lobatse acquires a lorry, and Sam attempts to give her relationship advice. In The Back Of The Lorry Now you have both zombies and lorry, you and Peter need to get the zombies inside the lorry using the McShell Manoeuvre. Lobatse grows tired of Sam and Peter's unsolicited advice. The Rest Of The Orchestra Lobatse resists further questions about her love life, but does offer information about the plan: you'll need to run to the wall while Peter fetches the orchestra. Set The Timer Everyone's in their positions, including Peter, whose lorry-based location seems slightly uncomfortable! You set the timer on the semtex and run back to the lorry. Still A Love Story Dr Lobatse takes the wheel of the lorry, and speeds through your newly made hole in the wall. While she explains the rest of the plan, Jim explains the arrangement with his wife, and that love takes many forms. Wear The Red Boxers You successfully enact the plan to drive the zom-filled, but orchestra-free, lorry over a cliff and jump to safety. With Jim rescued, Dr Kitsnis will now happily divulge Ministry secrets to Abel. S06E26 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript chirp, zombies growl, orchestra chatters and idly play their instruments JIM: Um, don’t we need to do something about those zombies? PETER LYNNE: You mean the zombies that have been drawn here by the noise all your friends are making? JIM: Oh, is that what attracted them? PETER LYNNE: Is killing a trombonist really murder? SAM YAO: Okay, okay, this is the situation. We’ve got one orchestra, recently escaped from Sigrid. We didn’t actually mean to have a whole orchestra, but now we have, and we’re just going to have to live with it. We’ve got Sigrid’s people in hot pursuit, we’ve got zombies, and we haven’t got enough passes to get everyone over the border. Even if we could reach the border. KEFILWE LOBATSE: I have a plan. SAM YAO: Oh, thank God. KEFILWE LOBATSE: Steve and I talked about this as a way we could bring me back. It’s simple. We only need 15 zombies, a large articulated lorry, and a small packet of Semtex. PETER LYNNE: You have a strange definition of simple. SAM YAO: Aha, yeah, there’s… yeah. Looks like there’s a Laundry munitions dump not far from you, and the M25 has plenty of abandoned lorries on it. That’s in running distance. KEFILWE LOBATSE: And the zombies will not be a problem. Peter, you go after the explosives. PETER LYNNE: Aye aye, Captain. Uh, I mean, Doctor. Dr. Captain. KEFILWE LOBATSE: I will obtain a lorry. Five, you will need to attract enough zombies for us and lead them to the lorry. If this is all right with you, Sam? SAM YAO: Yep. I-I’ve no idea what you’re planning, but I’m excited to find out. KEFILWE LOBATSE: Then let’s get moving. Run! SAM YAO: Yep. Bit of noisemaker, Five. unzips and rustles, noisemaker alarm rings Good, good. Yeah, that’s keeping them interested. Looks like Five’s got those zoms for you, Kefilwe. Now, where do you want them? engine turns over KEFILWE LOBATSE: Back here, please. When I’ve – when this lorry starts. The engine is feeling lazy, today, I think. engine turns over SAM YAO: Listen, Kefilwe, um… I heard what you were saying to Five about Jim. KEFILWE LOBATSE: You also believe he’s having an affair with the violin player? SAM YAO: No. Well, yes. I mean, they couldn’t be more obvious if they’d started shagging on the back seat of the car. I just… sighs well, you know Steve never would, right? I mean, he definitely hasn’t. Not that I’ve been monitoring him like, 24/7. That’d be creepy and weird. But… sighs look, if you wanted to come back, this is probably the best chance you’re going to get. You’ve been apart a long time, and if you and Steve – engine starts KEFILWE LOBASTE: At last! Five, you need to bring me those zombies now. Hurry. engine rumbles, brakes squeal, truck door opens KEFILWE LOBATSE: Five, good! You’re here. And you have… 18 zombies. Oh. That’s 3 too many. gunshots PETER LYNNE: And then there were 15. KEFILWE LOBATSE: Thank you, Peter. Now we need to bring the zoms into the back of the lorry. You see that X I’ve marked on the ground? PETER LYNNE: Yes, I see where you’re going with this. Me and Five run together, perform a McShell maneuver at the X, and the zoms all run straight into the lorry. SAM YAO: Nice plan! I mean, I still don’t know what the point of it is, but it’s definitely working. And the orchestra are all fine. They’re in the van. Um well, actually, quite a lot of them seem to be kissing each other. But they’re safe for now. PETER LYNNE: Oh. On the subject of snogging… SAM YAO: Well, that can’t possibly go anywhere good. PETER LYNNE: Kefilwe, I heard what you and Sam and Five were saying earlier. Now, I know it’s none of my business - KEFILWE LOBATSE: No, it isn’t. PETER LYNNE: - but I just want to say Sam’s right. Steve’s much too upright and honorable and all those frankly boring things to ever cheat on you. SAM YAO: Well, yeah, but that’s not really the point, is it? PETER LYNNE: Oh, it’s totally the point! SAM YAO: No! I mean, you don’t want someone not to cheat on you just because they’re too honorable not to. You want them not to want to in the first place! PETER LYNNE: Well, uh, yeah… well, okay. Actually, that’s true - KEFILWE LOBATSE: Will you both please shut up?! sighs Peter, Runner Five, run to the lorry and perform the McShell maneuver. Then lock the zoms in the back of the lorry. PETER LYNNE: But we were just only saying - KEFILWE LOBATSE: Go! groan, truck door slams shut PETER LYNNE: There you go. One lorry filled with exactly 15 zoms. SAM YAO: For some reason. PETER LYNNE: So can we please now talk about your love life? KEFILWE LOBASTE: No. SAM YAO: Look, well, can we at least ask - KEFILWE LOBATSE: No! SAM YAO: Well, I was only going to ask what the plan is. KEFILWE LOBATSE: The plan is for Five to take this Semtex, run to the wall with it, and wait for my signal. Peter, you go back and fetch the rest of the orchestra. Well, what are you waiting for? KEFILWE LOBATSE: Sam, is everyone ready? SAM YAO: Five, if you put that Semtex in the gap under the wall’s foundations – yeah, great. Okay. Explosives, check. KEFILWE LOBATSE: Peter, did you get everyone in the lorry? chatters PETER LYNNE: Orchestra, check. And did you really have to put the zoms in the back of the lorry? Now we’re all squeezed into the front cab, and - sounds they’ve brought their instruments. slides, cymbal crashes, timpani sounds WOODWIND PLAYER: You broke my reed! PETER LYNNE: There is an oboe sticking into a part of me where an oboe definitely does not belong! slides KEFILWE LOBATSE: Good. Set the timer on the Semtex, Five, and get back here now. engine rumbles and comes to a stop, truck door opens PETER LYNNE: Oh, there you are, Five! Oi, you, get that double bass out of the way. Listen, just – if you put it on the oboist’s lap, and then – ah! If you could sit on top of the drum kit, and the bloody string section could get their elbows in! sighs Right. Hop in, Five! cab creaks SAM YAO: All in? KEFILWE LOBATSE: Yes. If I lean around that trombone, I can reach the steering wheel. engine starts Now we just have to wait for the explosive Five put in the border wall to detonate. Then we can take this lorry through without worrying about check points or passes. SAM YAO: Yeah, and is that explosion going to be anytime soon? Only Sigrid’s people have figured out where their orchestra got to, and they’ve got a whole squadron after them. KEFILWE LOBATSE: It should be blowing right about… explosion now! How fast can this vehicle go? PETER LYNNE: Oh, uh, terrifyingly fast, apparently. Do you think that you could maybe slow down? Oh, that gap in the wall doesn’t look very large at all. Oh God, I can’t look! SAM YAO: It’s okay. You’re through. KEFILWE LOBATSE: Excellent! Then I can stop. squeal PETER LYNNE: Go easy on those brakes! Honestly, you can’t even slow down slowly! KEFILWE LOBATSE: Time is tight. Everyone get out as quickly as you can. door opens PETER LYNNE: Excuse me. Oh, could you mind that viola, please? Listen, Kefilwe. Far be it from me to question this plan you still haven’t fully explained, but since we’re through the wall and we’ve got the lorry, wouldn’t it make sense to keep driving the lorry? SAM YAO: Yeah! Rather than, oh, you know, abandoning it when there’s a squadron of Sigrid’s soldiers in hot pursuit? KEFILWE LOBATSE: These people have families, Sam. Loved ones. We may be able to drive them to safety, but what about the people they’ve left behind? We know Sigrid. We know what she’ll do. JIM: So we’re just going to surrender? I don’t want to go back. They’ll kill us all anyway. KEFILWE LOBATSE: You’re not going back. You’re all going to die. JIM: Uh, what?! KEFILWE LOBATSE: That’s what it will look like to Sigrid when they find this lorry driven over that cliff there. The lorry will explode and burn on impact. All that will be left are charred remains. So when they find this lorry with 15 dead bodies inside it, they’ll assume you’re all dead! JIM: Oh! laughs Oh, that’s rather clever. SAM YAO: Yeah, really, it is. KEFILWE LOBATSE: It was Steve’s idea. PETER LYNNE: You still could come, you know. JIM: He’s right. Come with us! There’s no need to go back over the wall. Be with your man! KEFILWE LOBATSE: What would you know about my man? JIM: Runner Five gave me this earpiece, you see, so I heard what you were saying earlier. KEFILWE LOBATSE: Ah, of course! I imagine Sigrid will be contacting me soon with unsolicited relationship advice. JIM: But really, if you love him, be with him. Look at me and Sally. KEFILWE LOBATSE: While she’s been away, you’ve been sleeping with another woman. Possibly with the entire orchestra! JIM: Sally knows about that. She’s been having a bit of a thing with one of her research assistants. sighs I was touring with the orchestra, she was locked up in Sigrid’s secret labs half the time, and we… I suppose we just forgot how to be married. I love her. I always will. But we’re going to do a divorce ceremony when we’re both in Abel. PETER LYNNE: That’s… not quite the love story I thought it was. JIM: Still a love story. I’ll always love Sally. What’s happened recently doesn’t erase what came before. But your story doesn’t have to end the same way as ours, Dr. Lobatse. KEFILWE LOBATSE: It won’t. I’m not you, and nor is Steve. Now get out and start running. I’m heading back. Five, you drive the lorry a little closer to the ravine, jam the accelerator down with this brick, and then jump out and get away from there. SAM YAO: Fast as you can. Sigrid’s people are minutes behind you. cab creaks as Runner Five climbs in and starts engine engine rumbles KEFILWE LOBATSE: Keep going, Five. Keep going… now jump! door creaks open, Runner Five jumps to the ground, truck crashes into ravine and explodes SAM YAO: One lorry full of zoms duly disposed of. PETER LYNNE: One orchestra on their way to Abel. SAM YAO: And Kefilwe? KEFILWE LOBATSE: I’m back behind the wall, Sam. Sigrid’s convoy have driven past and they didn’t spot me. I’ll be able to get back to my post before I’m missed. SAM YAO: Right. KEFILWE LOBATSE: So now Dr. Kitsnis has her husband back. PETER LYNNE: Also, her husband’s lover, her husband’s lover’s lover, her husband’s lover’s lover’s lover - SAM YAO: Yes, yes, we get the idea. KEFILWE LOBATSE: She should be able to defect safely now, and Dr. Kitsnis will tell us what she knows about the weaknesses in Sigrid’s team. SAM YAO: Yeah. That was a good mission, Kefilwe. KEFILWE LOBATSE: Thank you, Sam. And now I really should be going. SAM YAO: Yeah. Listen, is there anything… well, is there any message you’d like me to give to Steve? KEFILWE LOBATSE: Tell him… hello. He already knows everything else. Tell him that I’ll be there for our usual encrypted call next Thursday. I will route it via Jody’s transmitter in Exmoor Militia territory for extra security. SAM YAO: Okay. KEFILWE LOBATSE: And that I’d like him to wear his red boxers and also the leather trousers - SAM YAO: No, God, please! Stop. KEFILWE LOBATSE: Take care, Sam. I’ll be here when you need me. Category:Mission Category:Season Six